Hot Box

“Dear Lord.” Her whole body was shuddering and shaking beneath me, and around me.
If I had a one word description for her vagina, it would be ‘spongy’, it was sopping wet, but tight, like it was sucking me in. She kept cumming, it was unbelievably intense, I counted three times in a row within minutes of one another. The small, one bedroom studio Nancy shared with her husband was shabby and unkempt. She was on her back with me between her fat, pale thighs on what appeared to be a futon mattress on a low bed frame, her big tits dancing across her chest.
“You are so deep…” she moaned again.
“Oh god, fuck.” I finally came myself, it was probably only 15 minutes in, but this was supposed to be a quickie.
She was my first married woman. I didn’t expect to see her until Monday since she had gotten tied up at work, but shortly after I hit publish on the previous Friday’s post I got a text from her:
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Well, how can you say ‘no’ to that. I grabbed condoms out of a coffee can I keep stashed in the back of a drawer at work and hopped in the car. I was a little taken aback at how run down the place was when I arrived. I had been a bit worried that she’d be a total dog since we hadn’t exchanged face pics, but she wasn’t a bad looking girl. Not a stunner by any means, she had a cute face and she was shorter and a bit thinner (still chubby though) than I anticipated. Compared to my past partners, I felt like I was slumming it with this girl, but damn, the sex was mind blowing that day. It wasn’t awkward at all once we were alone, we kissed, moved right back to the bedroom, she got on her knees and pulled down my pants and started sucking my dick. My readers know I’m not huge on blowjobs, but generally I’ll still get hard, but ever since Sierra I’ve just had issues. Pretty sure it is all psychological at this point since I have no trouble getting hard with my wife, it is only when I cheat. I didn’t feel nervous or anxious so much, just numb. I didn’t know what to make of it, so I just told her it was nervousness (I figured it must be some kind of subconscious stress). So, we switched it up, got comfortable on the bed. Totally undressed we could commence with some foreplay. Her tits were massive, but a bit saggy, I knelt between her legs, and felt her pussy, it was dripping wet as I ran my cock up and down between her labia. I tried to concentrate, I couldn’t let this shit get to me, it had been the same way a few times with Lisa, I just needed to relax and things would work.
“You’re such a tease, I love it, I can’t wait for you to be inside me,” she moaned.
She started fingering herself and bucking her hips, it was a huge turn on, slowly but surely, I got hard as a rock and penetrated her. This was the first time she’d been with another man in 4 years and her husband hadn’t been doing much with her in that time. I’m guessing that is why she was so turned on, it didn’t take long for her to cum, and then again, and again.

That was Friday before last. We agreed to meet again on the following Monday. I was greeted by her neighbor’s German Shepard chasing and barking at me and its Chihuaha companion nipping at my pant leg.
“Tiny! Tiny!” The old lady yelled from her doorstep as her dog tried to desperately halt my advance into its sacred territory, I shrugged it off and laughed, trying to not be too memorable despite the scene (the last thing we wanted was to draw attention to Nancy having a strange man over while her husband was out for the day).
“So much for a stealthy entrance.” I said once we were alone in her studio.
This time, things were more natural, it didn’t take long at all for me to get hard and I was pounding her hard on the bed in no time. We took our time, she came several times again, though not quite as intensely as our first time together. Admittedly, I think I was so crazy horny last time I overlooked a few things. I did feel trashy boning this married girl in the back of their messy studio. She also didn’t seem to keep the best personal hygiene. She wasn’t filthy by any means, but also didn’t smell fresh and clean either, slightly off-putting, but not a deal breaker. When we were done, we talked a bit more this time. I was the first guy she’d met for this. She’d been in talks with a few other gents from CL, but all of them got way to close too fast, one of them even demanded that she leave her husband. She appreciated that we were in similar situations, both of us wanting to keep our spouses and lives intact, but to get a little more in the sexual areas. It was a bit sad her situation, her husband was older (thirties, like me) and had children of his own from a previous marriage. He’d slowed down sexually to the point of being reluctant to even give her a five minute screw during the week.
“But, you don’t love ’em any less,” were her words on the subject.
Maybe she’s right from a standpoint, depends on how you define ‘love’. If she meant care, providing, and concern, I agree 100%.

We were supposed to meet again last Thursday, but a family emergency prevented it. So, looks like I may have a regular affair partner here, in addition to Lisa. Still, I find myself missing Sierra and wanting that again. Lisa and Nancy are nice girls, but neither of them are girls I would have sought out had I been single. I hate to say I’ve ‘settled’. Perhaps I have, I can’t say. I figure, as long as we are both getting something we want out of our relationships, then may as well continue. Lisa thinks she may be back towards the end of the month. Nancy should be available again late next week. I was hopeful that Layla would work out. Seemed we had great chemistry and she is a stunner, but I’ve texted her twice over the past few weeks and gotten no reply. She hasn’t unmatched me on Tinder, but I strongly believe she’s ghosted me. In any case, there is another lethargic update. I need to find more time to dedicate to writing again.

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Hearth Fire

Home is behind, the world ahead,
And there are many paths to tread
Through shadows to the edge of night,
Until the stars are all alight.
Then world behind and home ahead,
We’ll wander back to home and bed.
Mist and twilight, cloud and shade,
Away shall fade! Away shall fade!
Fire and lamp, and meat and bread,
And then to bed! And then to bed!

I had a sex yesterday. With my wife of all people. We haven’t been together in untold months, but I had a feeling it was coming. Ever since we talked, our relationship has warmed, ever so slightly. It started off similar to our sex life in the past, she mentioned she wanted it, took off her clothes, laid back on the bed, I followed suite and got between her open legs. She seems to have put on some more weight lately, while I’d lost another 10 lbs (much to my own chagrin, I can’t seem to keep it on, exercise only seems to make it worse), I was fit as ever, stronger, my pubic area clean shaven as usual (I told her that it just felt more comfortable that way), hers au natural. But, I had no trouble at all getting hard. Funny, just like clockwork. Even though we haven’t been like this in months, it was familiar, like riding a bike.

But, she knew something was different once I got going.
“My god, I don’t remember it ever being so good,” she was moaning, “Who have you been practicing on?”
“No one, just been a while.”
It was hard to tell what was different, I mean, I had kind of forgotten what sex with my wife was like. I didn’t feel like the same man I was when I last had sex with her. I had been with two other women since then. Nothing I did seemed the same, how I touched, how I kissed, how I fucked. It seemed it was noisier now, I could hear my balls slapping her, my trim belly slapping her fat, the bed creaking and shaking. She has a big vagina I realized, I’d never thought about it before. Of course, I didn’t know that until I had sex with someone else since I had no frame of reference. It doesn’t make sense to me now that she should have a big vagina since she is short, and would be small apart from the weight, but there it is, not like it is her fault. It’s funny, one of the complaints she had about intercourse was that my penis was “really big” and hurt her (I wish I could say I have this humongous cock, but really, I’m just acceptably endowed, not huge). I mean, sometimes it took some work getting it in there, but if she was wet or we used a little lube, comparatively it wasn’t too bad, nothing like trying to fit in Sierra. That wasn’t to say it wasn’t enjoyable and arousing having sex with my wife, it was, I just noticed the difference. I could tell that Anne and Sierra were so much smaller, tighter. I could really feel them, when they squeezed and contracted around me it was breathtaking. My wife’s contractions were always mild, barely perceptible except when she had an orgasm, which almost never happened during intercourse. But it happened this time.
“Oh god, right there, harder, harder, don’t stop!” she begged.
She was in awe, she told me it was the best sex she’d ever had, that she’d never known it could be so good. I was surprised she’d didn’t press me more about her suspicions of me cheating on her.

I was very happy that I’d pleased her, it felt good to reconnect like that. I wasn’t sure really why it was so much more enjoyable for her this time. May have just been she was extra horny and sensitive since it had been so long. I don’t know if part of it was me, if I was different somehow. I felt so much more confident in bed now. I also began to realize what was so different about sex with my wife and sex with other women. My wife doesn’t like kissing anymore. I guess that shouldn’t surprise me given the poor health of our relationship. We used to make out for hours when we were dating (of course, we weren’t having sex then, we waited till we were married). She couldn’t keep her hands off me then. But, after we got married, she told me my kisses were poor, slobbery, uncomfortable, dirty. Didn’t seem to make any difference what I did. So, kissing during sex didn’t happen much, she might indulge a kiss or two if I’m lucky. But, today I realized what bothered me the most about sex with my wife: she was trying to hide during it. I realized, my wife is ashamed of herself, of her body, she has no confidence, even disgusted with herself. She’s very uncomfortable being naked, the object of my (or probably anyone’s) affection. She always tries to melt into the bed, to disappear. She won’t make eye contact with me, which really bothers me more than anything, she’ll close her eyes, turn her head, even try to hide under a pillow. I tell her she’s beautiful, I compliment her (I even believe and mean what I say), but I know it does no good, she doesn’t believe me, her feelings of self-disgust are too deep within her core. Contrast this with Sierra, who knows her ass is amazing, who knows I want her tight twenty year old pussy, that I hunger for her body with all of my being. She’d stare right into my eyes, daring me to look away, she’d practically force my lips on hers, dig her nails into my back pulling me into her, pushing her hips against me, her body hungry for mine, she’d encourage dirty banter, reveling in the things she’d get me to say to her, and her ultimate desire seemed to be to get me to lose all control, to lose myself within her, until I couldn’t hold my orgasm back from her any longer. I think I finally realized why sex with Sierra was so incredible and still haunts my dreams, I still remember moments of her naked body against mine so vividly that they tear me apart from the inside whenever they surface in my mind, I feel a void, an empty vacuum in the pit of stomach, worried that it will never be that way again.

My wife’s feelings for herself break my heart. I had known for a long time that they effected our sex life, but I never realized until I’d been with other women to what degree. I knew I couldn’t fix it for her. I had tried, and failed at that. She needed to find a way to appreciate herself. She’d tried diet, exercise, but I know it is an uphill battle, one I’ve never had to face and couldn’t truly understand. She will succeed only for a time, taking a step forward, and finally two steps back. If I tried to help, it seemed I only make it worse, fueling her insecurity. Seems there is no easy solution, but I don’t want to give up. I feel I see the problems more clearly now, I’ll  encourage her again to get therapy, and for us to work on our relationship.

The other thing I think I’m realizing is that my erectile issues seem to have less to do with arousal and attraction than they do with comfort and anxiety. I had no trouble getting an erection with my wife (or Anne for that matter), even though I’m far more attracted to Sierra. Seems my issue is purely psychological and not physiological in nature. I need to be in a comfortable place, a place where I’m not going to be anxious or stressed out, then I have no trouble performing.

I know the right thing for me to do would be for me to stop cheating on my wife, but I’m not sure how easy that will be now. I’m realizing how much I love sex with other women, even though now there is a slim ray of hope that suggests that things could become better with my wife, I find I don’t want to let go of what I have with Anne and Sierra. But, I know I have to start thinking seriously about what I truly want.

Queen Anne’s Revenge

Damnation seize my Soul if I give you Quarters, or take any from you.

Anne messaged me this morning. Funny, I know some of you have been wondering what happened to her. So, speak of the devil. I haven’t seen or heard from her in almost a month. I feel guilty for not investing as much in her, especially when we’ve enjoyed such amazing sex together. I am more attracted to Sierra, I think a factor is that Anne and I have similar personalities, while Sierra and I are opposites in many ways. I’ve had incredible sex with both of them. But, with Sierra, I never know if I’m on the same page with her, let alone in the same book, while with Anne things are just simple and easy (“hey you want to meet and fuck”, “sure, let’s do it”). Why did I invest more into the hard road, the crazy girl that I can’t figure out rather than relying on the simple one who I work with so well. In some ways, I almost feel like I prefer the challenge that Sierra presents, the constant uncertainty, the unpredictability, and vying for dominance.

In any case, I figure, why not, it would be nice to see Anne again. I reply back that I can meet her once I solve a minor crisis at work.

Soon I’m kissing her on the bed she shares with her sister and clothes are coming off. It seems like it has been so long since I’d seen her, or had sex in general. I had no intention of mentioning Sierra to her.

“Oh god, I’ve missed you inside me,” she said as I slid inside her, I was harder than a rock right away, over-swollen and veiny from lack of release.
“I’ve missed you,” I emphasized.
We fucked slowly at first, building up the pace gradually. Sex with Anne is so different than with Sierra. Her vagina contracts really hard at intervals, squeezing my penis so tight it is hard to keep thrusting, it feels amazing. It does slow things down, and makes it difficult to cum, makes it last so long. Sierra is just plain tight overall, like her vagina is just a few sizes too small, she is also a bit more active, often matching my thrusts with her own. One thing I find interesting, during sex it is hard to maintain eye contact with Anne, it feels awkward for some reason, I get the feeling she’s uncomfortable with it, or maybe it is me, but with Sierra I could just stare and be lost in her brown eyes.
“I can’t wait to feel your hot cum all over me,” Anne was moaning towards the end. I concentrated on releasing, pulling out at the last second and shot one of the biggest loads I’d had in a long time, it was enough to hit her breasts and cover her stomach.
“Oh my god, a little pent up huh?” she smiled, feeling my semen, coating her hand with the silky white fluid, letting it drip off.
“Afraid so,” I panted, looking at my cock laying in a pool of cum on her stomach just below her glistening ashy skinned naval.

We got up to rinse off in the shower before going back, I got between her legs and began to lick and suck her clit, slowly thrusting with a finger. Anne, by her admission, has a lot of trouble having orgasms with a partner. I ended up down there for over half an hour working on her, trying everything, she came close a few times, I could feel the quivering, quaking of her legs and her clit getting hard, but we just couldn’t get it. She finally told me it was her turn and had me lay back while she put my cock in her mouth. Honestly, I’m not much for blowjobs, but Anne seems to really enjoy giving them (she says she needs the practice). She is really fascinated by testicles, her only previous partner wouldn’t let her touch his, so she was always feeling mine, licking them, sucking them gently. After a little coaching, she had become quite amazing at it. I’ve never orgasmed during a blowjob, usually I’ll get hard at first, but after ten or twenty minutes I feel like I need to fuck instead or I’ll go soft. Sierra had only blown me twice, and she did a fine job. But, Anne proceeded to give me the best blowjob to date right then. She had such gentle but consistent suction, and kept licking the shaft and balls at intervals, I got ridiculously hard and thought I was going to cum a few times, but nothing happened. Finally, I need to fuck her again so I got back on top of her and we went at it for a while. I tried again, but in vain to finish her off while I was inside her, rubbing her clit with my fingers. I never cum more than once with Anne, so we fucked to our hearts’ content and then got up to take a shower.

Parting with Anne is always in sharp contrast to Sierra. Of course, I’m always the one leaving, but the goodbyes were always long, lots of kissing, thanks for a great time, looking forward to next time, and more kissing, “I really need to get going” and a final goodbye.

The afterglow has put a bit of a spring back in my step, and for that I’m grateful.

The Office

I suppose you think I’m very brazen or très fou or something.

I don’t think you’re any fou-er than anyone else.

Sadly the mattress we’d earmarked for theft had disappeared overnight, guess you can’t trust anyone these days. Sierra was expectedly disappointed. Still, in short order we were making out behind her apartment while she told me to find her a mattress so she can fuck me on it, I begin to feel more confident as she was grinding against me, giving me a nice boner. Things were getting hot, and I thought ‘all my suite mates at work are off on vacation.’ Barring being able to find a mattress, I offer to show her my desk at the office instead.

As we drive to my work, I muse over a few cover stories.
“If we run into anyone at work, you’re… my cousin.” I thought out loud, not sure how believable that would be, we look nothing alike, but maybe they’d assume step-cousins.
“Haha, ok.”
“But, if for some reason my wife comes by, she shouldn’t, but just in case, you’re an intern, got it?” My wife never got too acquainted with our interns at least, though I doubt she’d believe Sierra was there to work in those tiny shorts, a tank top, and sandals; still I figured a thin excuse was better than none in the unlikely event.
“Ok dude, let’s just try not to get caught,” she giggled.

The hall was empty and silent as I unlocked the door to my office suite, most folks were gone at lunch by now. So far so good, but better make this fast. I showed Sierra to my office and close the door behind us. I’m still a little concerned about dick problems, despite having gotten hard when we were making out earlier, but I keep calm hoping I can break this curse as Sierra plops down in my office chair and pulls off her top. But, fuck, I can’t figure it out, I’m looking at the hottest woman I’ve ever seen naked in real life, and nothing, my dick feels totally numb. Am I just intimidated? Sick? Pulling a Danny Glover and getting too old for this shit? Do I need to start popping viagra?

She takes off my shirt and I lift her legs to pull off her shorts and undies. I start to go down on her, tasting her delicious pussy, slightly musky from sweating on a hot day hunting for mattresses. Still no dick reaction, thank god she seems to know what to do this time, grabbing me and pulling me in for a kiss she strokes my dick holding it inches from her pussy. I just close my eyes and think about how much I want to fuck her right then, as I feel her tongue in my mouth, moving my hips slowly. It was like hypnosis, I imagined my hard cock in her tight pussy, next thing I know I’m looking down at that very thing. Holding her legs on my shoulders I fuck her in my office chair, kissing her deeply as we moan and the chair squeaks. I think a few times how I hope nobody is going to walk past the room, but it was too good to stop.
“So, if your wife bursts in, I’m supposed to say ‘hey, I’m your cousin!’ right?” Sierra giggles breathlessly.
“No, no, that’s if my co-workers burst in. If my wife bursts in, you’re my intern.” I laugh. “And what the fuck good would it do to tell my wife you’re her cousin?  She knows who her cousins are!”
“I figured if she got married in her twenties she probably has daddy issues and probably doesn’t know her paternal cousins!” She looked into my eyes, giving me a sexy grin.
I just kiss her, moaning and feeling her tongue with mine, telling her how hot she is. She keeps grinding into me until I cum.

“Well, fuck,” I say as I watch her pussy expel another glob of semen onto my chair’s fabric, now dark with the moisture of bodily fluids.
“Hehe, hey, you did this.”
“Yeah, guess I did, but would you mind at least getting off the chair and letting me clean you up?”
“Why, you don’t want me doing this?” She smiled with faux innocence as she got half up then rubbed her sopping pussy lips all over the end of the chair, just so now the entire thing was almost evenly coated in jizz, pussy juice, and sweat.
All I can do is sigh, hardly made any difference at this point, I’m never going to get those stains out of the fabric. ‘This girl is nuts,’ I think as I pick her up and kiss her. I put her on my desk instead this time, and kneel between her legs to suck her clit.
“What gets you off?” I ask her.
“Mmmm, that, and fingers,” she moaned back.
I put a finger in, thrusting slowly to the rhythm of my licking and sucking. She continued to moan and her pussy sucked and squeezed my fingers as she reached her climax.

Once again, taking Sierra to the office is like trying to control a cat in a yarn store. She was stealing articles of my clothing and running naked into my suite mates’ offices hiding them in various places and commenting on my colleagues’ kids’ pictures on their walls. Finally, I got her to settle down after I made her a cup of coffee from the Keurig in the common area so I could try to clean my damp office chair before getting her back to her place.

“People are totally watching us,” she said as I lightly bit her lower lip and kissed her back at her apartment’s parking lot.
“I’m not worried, they are more likely to know you than me. Ow!” I said as she viciously bit my lip back.
“Send me an update on the chair,” she said hopping out of the car.
‘Damn, I’m going to need to find towel to be able to work the rest of the day.’ I think to myself as I drive back to work. Luckily, I found a beach towel in the trunk and it seems to be keeping my pants dry as I type this.

You Only Live

But who can say what’s best? That’s why you need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. My experience tells me that we get no more than two or three such chances in a life time, and if we let them go, we regret it for the rest of our lives.

Getting through work yesterday was a drudge. I know I nodded off at my desk a few times despite a steady diet of coffee. Still, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a lunch break more writing yesterday’s post. I relived each sweet moment of the morning a hundred times over. No doubt, it wasn’t as perfect as I made it out to be, but the point was, I felt like it had been. It was the most amazing sex I’d ever had, and with the girl of my dreams, so what could have been more perfect?

But, I knew it all had to come to an end. My wife called in the afternoon to say she is coming home early, leaving the next day in the morning. After such an incredible time with Sierra, I really wanted to see her again before my wife came home. We had already planned to meet on Thursday and get a room somewhere since my renter was back in town. But with this unexpected change in plans, I hit Sierra up and asked if we could move it to that night. We were both super tired having fucked all morning from 3 am on, still, she responded:

You’re cray, but yeah, I’m free.

We planned on 10 pm. I got home as early as I could from work to clean the house, return pictures and etc to their rightful place, and comb every inch for any trace of other women. Picking Sierra’s hair (being long dark brown and thick, wholly different from my wife’s and mine) out of the shower and bathroom took probably half an hour, but I’m pretty sure I got it all.

As is the typical tradition with Sierra, 10 pm goes by and no contact. Finally, at 11 pm I send her a message that I’m going to bed and if she wants to meet she can try texting me a whole bunch to wake me up. 20 minutes later when my head hits the pillow she sends me a burst of messages telling me she is ready and to come get her.

I pick her up at a totally different place than before after a bunch of waiting (apparently this was at her “smoking house”). She reeked of the reifer and was definitely high as a kite. She insists that the first thing we need to do is hit up this one gas station to get “the greatest milkshakes in the world”. At least Sierra is cute when she is high. As we drove through the city, with its subdued Monday night life, to a motel near my office, she amazed me with tales like this thing called “YouTube” which apparently is like a “typewriter for videos” (I love stoner descriptions of things). She also drank most of my milkshake by the time we arrived, I was glad to see her general attitude hasn’t changed much just because we’d had sex that morning. I got us a room at a cheap motel with my credit card (the one my wife never sees the statements for), and we settled in. I had tried to come prepared with an overnight bag with my work clothes, matching belt and shoes, tie, and toiletries, while Sierra had stuck to just her purse which it seemed contained little besides a pack of American Spirits, her phone, and personal lubricant. It was already warm in the room, but she immediately turned on the space heater (guess these rooms don’t have working wall heaters) and sat down in front of it at the end of the bed, warming her bare feet (she apparently forgot her shoes).

I sat down next to her.
“I like you high,” I said, putting an arm around her.
“Yeah?” she replied leaning in for a kiss.
Things seemed slower this time, I have a vivid image of her body lit by the side table lamp, naked apart from a lacy thong, looking up into my eyes with her sultry smile, she had transformed again, the incorrigible, intractable young girl had become this warm, welcoming woman seeming to hunger for me with all of her being.

Fortunately, our room was in the corner and it shared a wall with a maintenance closet, so when the  cheap old bed started squeaking loudly we didn’t wake up our neighbors (hopefully).
“You keep doing that you’re going to make me cum,” I said as she rocked her hips against me.
“Hehe, yeah?” she giggled between heavy breaths.
“If you do, we’ll have to stop for a bit though. You’ll need to decide.”
We’d already been at it for over an hour, plenty of foreplay, oral, and lots of intercourse, she was saying she was sore from the morning still, so we lube up part way through even though she was already plenty wet.
“Mmmm, I don’t want to stop, but I want your cum.”
“You want me to cum in your little cunt?”
“I want to go balls deep and fill my little cunt with your cum.”
She barely managed to squeak as I groaned and came hard in her as she dug her nails into my back.

“This is where we have to sleep, you made a big mess.” Sierra complained, I could see cum dripping out of her between her thighs onto the bed sheets.
“We’ll live. We can go clean you up, you know.”
“I know, in a bit…”
I could tell Sierra was getting tired, I looked at my phone and it was after 2:30 am. I was surprisingly wired. I rubbed her back and she rolled onto her stomach so I could massage her. After getting hard again, she lifted her ass and I began to take her from behind. She was starting to get a little loopy, perhaps from the weed or perhaps from exhaustion. As we got towards the end she got very ticklish till we had to stop at which point she rolled over and passed out, sprawled lengthwise across the width of the bed on top of the covers, both of us sweaty from the heater still running. She still responded to what I would say but she was clearly gone from the world.
“No, leave the heater on.”
“Ok, don’t you want to get under the sheets.”
“No, YOLO.”
“What does that have to do with only living once?”
“YO…LO…”
With some difficulty, I managed to roll her to one side of the bed, but she refused to get under the covers, so I finally slipped beneath them myself and went out, setting my alarm for six so we could potentially get some more fun in before work. A few times throughout the morning, we alternated between cuddling and her sprawling out in some weird position. I tried to get her going by kissing her, squeezing her breasts, rubbing her thighs and stomach, and finally her clit while spreading her wet labia. She was perfectly malleable like some horny doll, she would respond to me, but completely in her sleep. I didn’t want to get to the point of penetrating a sleeping girl, so I would wait then try again an hour later. Around 4 am I managed to coax her under the sheets since she was clearly shivering, but by 6:30 I gave up and decided to get up and get dressed in the T-shirt and jeans I’d worn the night before.
“Sierra, I’m going to get us breakfast. What would you like?” I asked kneeling by her side.
“Hmph,” is all she would say.
Finally, I got up and slipped out of the room.

I found her in exactly the same position as I returned from Jack in the Box with a breakfast sandwich, a combo platter, and coffee. I knelt by her again and kissed her, this time she grabbed me with surprising strength and hoisted me over her into bed.
“What are you doing dressed” she asked after relinquishing my lips.
“I went and got breakfast. Remember?” I laughed.
She didn’t respond, I think she may have been half asleep, instead she pulled off my clothes and the warmth of her body enveloped me.

“Hmmm, we should get some breakfast,” she said as we laid there spent once again.
“Haha, don’t you remember anything, I have Jack in the Box here,” I gestured to the table next to the ancient CRT TV where the now-cold breakfast and coffee sat.
“No way?! You left and came back?”
“You don’t listen very well do you?”
“Never ever go to Jack in the Box, no any place without asking me what I want!”
“I did, you didn’t respond.”

She had scarfed down all four slices of bacon before I had finished changing for work.
“Some moron scheduled an 8:30 meeting, but should be fast, then I’ll be back, leave me a little something, would ya,” I said, frowning at my phone.
“You’ll be back? Mmmm, yes! We don’t have to be out of here till 11 am.”
“I wish we had more time, I was hoping we’d have gotten more in last night, but you were really out. I thought about waking you up with my dick.”
“Oh why didn’t you?!”
“Because I tried once with my wife and it really pissed her off to the point she accused me of rape, so I didn’t want to try it without asking you.”
“Mmm, you should have fucked me awake.”

I got into work late, since I couldn’t seem to keep Sierra’s hands off me (and vice versa). Got to the meeting, got out at 9 and headed back to the hotel just a few streets down. Sierra opened the door to my knock, wearing only my faded old grey concert t-shirt from the previous night. I closed the door and she leaned against the wall gazing at me with a sexy smirk, her naked thighs peaking below the shirt and legs descending to the floor (the image is burned into my brain, easily the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen in my life).
“Your shirt has boob holders,” she said squeezing her boobs and pointed to the printed flourishes that aligned with the bottom and sides of her breasts.
“Nice, the shirt was meant for you.” I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her in for a kiss, feeling her soft tongue against mine before throwing her onto the bed and climbing atop her. She grabbed my shirt and unbuttoned it down to my pants.
“Why do you always have to wear a belt,” she said mildly frustrated as she struggled with my pants as I removed my my shirt and pulled off my shoes.
“For safety, to help keep me away from twenty year old vaginas.”
“Why, what are you afraid of happening?”
“Accidents.” I said as I entered her.
“Think your wife will believe it if you tell her it was an accident? That you accidentally drove miles into town, got a motel room, and then fucked and cummed in a girl multiple times all accidentally.”
“Worth a shot.”
“I bet she wouldn’t believe you if you told her the truth, ‘honey, there is this 20 year old co-ed that just wants to open her legs for me all the time.’”
“I could send her a picture,” I said looking down at her, it was a beautiful picture: me on top, up to my balls inside her, my hands gripping her hips as she looks at me with her beautiful young eyes.
I pull my shirt over her head, bathing her boobs in the morning sun coming through the curtains.
“Even better now.”
She giggled and pulled me in to kiss me and grind her hips against me.
“So, why are you still doing it? If you know it is wrong to be fucking me?”
“Dunno, probably because I’m already here, may as well make it worth it.”
With the bed shaking, I came in her again and she darted off the to bathroom. I heard the shower going as my phone rang. Sure enough, it was my wife, I quickly pulled on pants and a shirt and stepped out of the room, unfortunately forgetting the room key.

She called to complain about how her trip was going (not that there was a thing I could do about it, but I understand she needed to vent). I finally got off the phone with her and came back to the locked room with the maid working a couple rooms over as I pounded on the door a few times hoping Sierra would hear me back in the shower. After about 10 minutes she did, with a towel wrapped around her. It was 20 minutes to 11 am. I can’t resist a naked girl in a towel, so we kissed for a bit.
“No, you aren’t going to get me dirty again, are you?”
“Seems I can’t help it.”
Once again things got going.
“Now that your wife is coming back, how will we be able to meet?”
“Not sure, I’ll only be able to during work hours.”
“Guess we could meet in a public restroom?” She giggled.
“Or the car.” I said.
But at 11 am we realized we need to get going or I’ll be stuck paying another night. Hopping in and out of the shower rapidly and gathering our things, we returned the room key and drove off. I dropped her off and before I could lean over and give her a kiss she was out of the car.
“Fuck me in the bathroom sometime,” she smiled putting on her sunglasses and closing the car door.

Egyptian Cotton

Memories and thoughts age, just as people do. But certain thoughts can never age, and certain memories can never fade.

My phone doesn’t normally wake me up, even on the highest ringer volume. But somehow I woke up to a text message tone on my Google Voice number at about a quarter to three this morning.

Is it 12 yet?

I wasn’t really surprised to see the message from Sierra, especially since it was hours later than when we’d planned to chat. I briefly considered going back to bed (as I had before when she’d texted me after midnight, if I woke up at all). But, what the hell.

Yeah, think so, what’s up?

Oh hi, I’m out of the shower.

Damn! You must have been thorough for that long a shower :P

I try

Turning off my phone’s screen, I lay there on my back for about few minutes in the darkness, thinking. Fuck it, ‘nothing ventured nothing gained,’ I call her and she answers in a hushed voice.
“Yeah, sorry, I take long showers.”
“That’s ok, I was only sleeping. Do you want to chill?”
“Yeah… can you come pick me up?”
I sigh, thinking for a moment. Falling back asleep is so tempting when you can barely open your eyes, but you do only live once. I must be going mad (or perhaps I’ve always been).
“Sure, let me hop in the shower. I won’t take 12 hours though.”
“Ok, I’ll stay awake, text me when you are headed over.”
For some reason, I’m starting to feel pretty awake considering I’d had less than 4 hours of sleep, so I hop in the shower, throw on a t-shirt and jeans, and text her before I head out and she confirms she is still awake, so I figure, ok, we’ll give it a go.

I drive down the deserted freeway listening to some oldies on the radio, the sound of Bobby Fuller’s guitar on “Let Her Dance”, into the night lights of the slumbering city, and finally pull up to her silent apartment building lit the by yellow glow of street lamps and text her that I’ve arrived. 10 minutes go by as I wait, nothing but silence. I get the sinking feel that she must have just been fucking with me all along, using me for entertainment, playing ‘let’s fuck with this old married dude who thinks he has a chance with me.’  She was probably in her apartment peaking through her window and giggling at me at that very moment, as I’m parked there like an idiot, maybe she’s got a few friends with her and they are all having a good laugh, probably all drunk and high and couldn’t think of anything better to do at that hour. Feeling rather foolish, I turn the ignition to drive off, but then I see a shadow come around the corner. Only a purse, leggings, and a sweatshirt, she climbs into the passenger seat.
“Hey, how’s it going.”
“Good, what are you doing here at 3 am?” She asks wryly.
“I don’t know, am I here? I think I’m still asleep in my bed,” I say, putting the car in gear.
“Shhh, this is only a dream, just drive.”
The dim city lights fade in the distance as we drive down the freeway. She discovers the aux cord to my car stereo and hooks it up to her phone.
“What kind of music do you like?” She asks, scrolling through her music library.
“All kinds-”
“All kinds isn’t an answer.”
“Yeah, I hate it when people say that, lately I’ve been listening to British classic rock and proto-punk.”
She puts on some techno-pop (wasn’t half bad) after a few quips about me being old.

The neighborhood is dark and silent as we pull into my driveway, we quietly get out and I unlock the front door.
“Ooooh, there’s an upstairs!” She cries as she glides up the stairs in the pitch dark and I hear her running all over the house as my eyes adjust to the darkness. I climb the stairs after her into the living room dimly lit by the diffused moonlight through the fog outside, she finds the bedroom quickly enough, throws her purse on my wife’s vanity, and flops down on the bed. I come in and turn on the lamp on my nightstand and take off my jacket. Sierra takes off her college sweatshirt, and hugs herself in her tank top.
“God it’s cold, I didn’t sign up for this.”
“Sorry, usually cold out here.”

I still can’t quite figure this girl out. We’ve hardly touched since we met, not even hugged, she’s always running off or moving in such a way as to make it awkard as I try to do anything physical. She’s the complete opposite of Anne who is very physically affectionate, close, and cuddly. I grab a couple of beers from the fridge in the kitchen and hand her one as I sit down next to her on the bed, putting my arm around her.
“You can get cheap beer at Costco about as good as this.”
“This isn’t cheap beer, but I believe it. What kind of beer do you like.”
“Hard cider.”
“Cider isn’t beer.”
“So?”

I set our beers on the night stand and she lays back and curls up on the bed. Where is this going? I laugh inside at the absurdity of it all, perhaps my fears when I was parked outside her apartment were right, just this is more elaborate of a joke than I thought? Should I be fixing some tea and scones for when my wife and Clark James fuckin’ Gable burst in?

I sigh, and cuddle up next to her. But as I do, she turns her head and leans into me for a kiss. I can still see it in my mind, she transforms before my eyes. Up to this point, she has done little but make fun of me, my beer, my age, my car, my music, but as we lay there kissing her face changes, she looks deep into my eyes and becomes a totally different woman. She smiles a real, warm smile for the first time since I’ve met her and her lithe body moves against mine. I pull her close, kiss her, run my hands down her back, reaching under her tank top to feel her smooth skin. She moans as I slap and squeeze her butt and she pulls her shirt off. I follow suite and feel my chest against her leopard print bra as I get on top of her and our tongues meet. Bra unhooked, leggings and panties came off, my pants and boxers. I should feel some fatigue given it was 4 am, but I was mesmerized that this was happening, I felt like I was in a trance. Her tits were the smallest I’d had the pleasure to squeeze, but they were firm and pleasing and proportionally large for her slim frame, I ran my hands around her tight stomach and tiny waist and pronounced hip bones. Her ass was amazing, looked like she was lying on a couple of smooth tanned pillows when she laid naked on her back. Dark hair crowned her pubic mound, her vulva was Anne’s opposite. The lips were well defined and protruded in a perfectly thin outline, her clit was proportional and the pearl just visible below the folds meeting at the top. I grabbed a condom from my nightstand, but she just looked at me and said “I have an IUD” before grabbing me and pulling me in for a kiss. I was a bit caught up in the moment, or perhaps it was the fact that it was 4 am, but I slid inside her bare pussy (for you kids watching at home, wrap it up, it’s not worth catching something). I wonder if I’ll ever forget that moment. I remember vividly the first time I entered my wife years ago and the first time I entered Anne some weeks ago. Sierra moaned and her breaths were quick and high pitched as I penetrated her, she moved her hips rhythmically against me, our bodies pressed together. Her eyes were bright as I looked into them. I’ve never seen a girl that can draw you in with such a stare and it doesn’t feel awkward or uncomfortable to stare back. Her eyes had a primal glint, like some defiant beast, but all they communicated was ‘I want you.’ “Oh god” I was moaning as I felt her tighten around me, she was soaking wet and hot inside. I let her squeeze and rock her body against mine before I picked up the pace until I was pounding her at full strength and she was crying out with pleasure. We alternated between fast and slow, it was all very natural and intense, the movements of our lips complementing those of our loins.

I turned her over and lifted her big beautiful ass before sliding my cock back in, enjoying her incredible tightness around me. But then she turned onto her side and I spooned up next to her soft curves. She lifted her leg and guided me into her again. I moved my hips and gripped her stomach while she guided my other hand to her breast. Sliding slowly in and out of her, I’m not sure how long it lasted, but I could feel the pressure mounting slowly but inevitably.
“Fuck, I’m going to cum.” I could barely manage the words.
“Oh, god yes.”
We breathed hard together and she squeezed my hand as I came hard inside her, spurting at least half a dozen times. She slowly got up after a few minutes, and standing next to the bed bent over to put my cock in her mouth.
“That felt like a lot.”
“Yeah, I don’t cum often during sex.”
“Feels like you are leaking out of me.”
I could see cum running down her thighs as she licked a few drops off my tip.
“Holy fuck, you are literally leaking out of me!” She cried, putting her legs together and running off to the bathroom.
“Yeah, what did you expect?” I laughed, I guess not everyone is used to this kind of mess?
After a few minutes she returned, I put my arm around her waist and handed her a half-full beer.
“We have to get going at eight so I can get to work. I work just a few miles from your apartment so I can drop you off on the way.”
“What time is it?”
“Five”
“Good, so we can like sleep an hour, and fuck an hour, and sleep an h…”
She trailed off as I kissed her. We skipped the sleeping part. Most of what I remember was getting very sweaty, looking at us fuck in the mirrors around the room, holding her legs out and looking down at her incredible body and watching my cock appear and disappear into her pussy, her perfectly formed lips gripping it tightly. Locking my eyes with her deep brown ones, sometimes they’d be slits, other times she’d open them wide. We’d tease each other a bit, I loved it when she’d gasp and act offended before giving me some tongue, especially if I implied any slutty behavior on her part. If I said anything about her being too tight, she’d caricature me with her best complaining man voice. In the middle of it all, I gave her some head, she mentioned it was the best she’d ever had (perhaps, nice compliment at least). I can still smell her pussy. It was clean, but slightly musky, her smell is still crystal clear in my mind (either that or I didn’t wash my facial hair thoroughly enough). I can still feel her skin under my tongue, and her clit getting harder as I enveloped it with my mouth and tongue. She liked it when I sucked her nipples, making them harden into bullet-shaped points, giving them some teeth, “harder” she’d say sweetly and close her eyes breathing deeply. Towards the end, we slowed down, just feeling our bodies together.

“Your balls look like a heart” Sierra said feeling my drained testicles which had turned bright red after slapping her all morning, I had my legs together sitting on the end of the bed to check my phone, my cock and balls were shoved up above them, smooshed together.
“Dang, it is seven.”
“We should get in the shower.”
“Yeah.”
Sierra smiled and laid her head by my hip letting her hair fall off the end of the bed. I stood up and kissed my way down her stomach, just as I reached her pubic mound, she grabbed my waist and swung her knees above my shoulders. Damn she’s flexible (and strong, she is an athlete, but I won’t say which sport), I still don’t know how she performed this maneuver.
“Carry me!”
“Holy crap, you are going to fall!”
I grabbed her legs as she slid between mine off the bed, but I hoisted her with my head in her crotch just before she hit her head on the floor.
“I can’t carry you like this.” I grunted, straining, though she was light (and I’m pretty weak given that my workout routine fizzled months ago), but this was definitely awkward.
“Keep going.” She laughed.
I can only imagine the sight of naked me walking through my dark house carrying a naked twenty-year-old girl upside down by her legs with my face inches from her pussy.

Her naked glistening body is still fresh in my mind. Her dark hair up, trying futilely to not get it wet, while I pushed her against the tile wall and kissed her. Or her sitting down in the bottom of the shower as the water cascaded down. As we got out, I handed her a towel and she ran off as I dried myself in the bathroom. I found her wrapped in it and my sheets in the bedroom, snoozing soundly. I dressed in a button up and a pair of twill pants and made coffee while she dozed, before sitting down by her side.
“Jason, your sheets are amazing, what are they made of?”
“Like 1600 thread count Egyptian cotton I think. My wife hates them cause I picked them out I think, I only put them on when she is gone.”
“Mmm, like the song, Sheets of Egyptian Cotton.” She half sang as she turned to me, eyes still closed.
“We need to get going.”
“K,” she smiled as I kissed her again.

As I drove to work this Monday morning with my passenger, I couldn’t (still can’t) believe the night and morning had actually happened. There is no way I had sex with two different girls in the same bed within hours of each other. I’m sure this happened to some dudes all the time (and perhaps plenty of gals), but to the guy who was a virgin into his mid-twenties and took another little over half a decade (3 weeks ago now) to fuck another girl, this was surreal. “Naa na na na nanana naa, sheets of Egyptian cotton,” Jesse Spencer sang (gosh, I never was able to stand this song, but now it will always evoke this memory) over the stereo played from Sierra’s phone while she sat in the passenger seat and took selfies, finally getting a suitable one to post to Snapchat. I hardly remember what she said, mostly small talk about her favorite music, I didn’t speak much. I just remember the sun breaking through the clouds over the mountains as we drove. Per her request, I dropped her off in the same shopping center I’d picked her up at the first time we met in person. I put my arm around her and kissed her before she hopped out of the car with a sweet “bye.”

Home is Where

I can resist anything except temptation.

This morning I was sitting in church, turning over in my mind the events with Sierra yesterday. She was beautiful, definitely hotter than any girl I’d ever imagined dating or having sex with back when I was single. Of course, I thought most girls were out of my league back then. I love those brown eyes, her hair framing her cute face, her chip-on-the-shoulder attitude, her tanned cleavage in that sexy dress. She is only a year or two younger than Anne (per the ages they’ve given me at least) but vastly more immature and youthful. I can’t seem to figure out if she is playing games with me or just really flaky. Perhaps I’m biased for being so attracted to her, but I’m inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt for now. She seems into me, if perhaps just a little on the fence (and maybe I’m a moron, lol). She pretty much confirmed this in the correspondence we have this afternoon and she seems pretty confident she wanted to meet around 3 pm:

The earlier the better, I’ll shower.

I’m certainly not going to hold my breath for her or rearrange my schedule for her at this point. Good thing since 3 pm comes and goes, I hit her up and get a reply that she’ll be ready in a bit, then nothing. Pretty sure at this point she is standing me up. Well, everybody plays the fool, sometimes. I tell her I’ll be free later in the evening if she is available.

I was getting worried that my empty house this weekend was going to end up being a missed opportunity. Sierra wasn’t going to happen, and Anne was pretty unsure about being able to meet today since she has to work late, but then towards the evening I hear from her:

I think I’ll leave work early and reward myself with you.

Awesome, I know I can depend on Anne if she says she can make it, so I cleaned up the house and prepped the bedroom, then hopped in the shower, shaved, hid the pictures of my wife, hid things that show my real name (oh what’s the point, she’s going to know my address now). Anne and I agree to 8 pm, I give her my address and she shows up on time. Of course, as she is coming down the street the neighbor decides it is a great time to walk their dog, but Anne keeps driving and parks down the road then sneaks over to my place. Good head on that girl’s shoulders. I meet her at the door, it is so good to see her again after almost two weeks and our kiss is sweet and passionate before we go up stairs to the moodily lit bedroom. Guess we were both pretty horny, we don’t mince words, right away we are kissing hungrily and I’m laying her back as our clothes are coming off.

It was my first time having another woman in the bed I share with my wife, and it doesn’t disappoint. The sex was incredible and passionate as it always is with Anne. Even though it was only our fourth encounter, there is a sense of familiarity already there. It is still new and exciting, but more comfortable as we can read each other now. Watching us fuck in my closet door mirror was hot, my pale body between her ashy dark legs, pounding her deep inside her tight pussy, her pulling me in to kiss her lips as we moaned and the bed rocked gently (we’ve learned she really likes it slow and passionate). I can still see the sizable stain on the edge of the bed that she made while I was giving her oral (of course, I plan to change the sheets before my wife comes home). We go for a couple of hours until Anne has to be getting home (and I need to be calling my wife around 10-11 pm anyways). It seemed to fly by, so fast we hardly had time to talk about much besides some chit-chat about what’s new and hoping our hosting options will change in the future. I’m tired, but extremely satisfied from the hookup I’d been looking for all week.

During this time I miss a text from Sierra asking when I was thinking for the evening (what’d I tell you, space cadet). At this point I have no confidence in Sierra coming through, but even if I did I’m spent from my time with Anne, but I figure a little texting wouldn’t hurt:

hmu 11 or 12 pm

I just got off the phone with my wife and it is a little after 11 and still no word from Sierra, if she does get back to me, it’ll probably be some half-assed apology at around 3 am. My eyes are very heavy and there is no sense in waiting up till midnight for this girl. I think I’ll finally sleep soundly tonight.

Shambala

Anne reminded me a bit of a tribal fertility goddess. Her face had pleasing round shape and full cheeks and lips, her breasts are good sized, and her butt is small and tight. Her skin was amazing, ashy and fairly dark, smooth and clean and hairless below her head (must wax for how clean it all was). She obviously took great care in her appearance. I really like talking with her, she’s a smart girl with a good sense of humor.

There I was, pressed against Anne’s velvety skin, my erection lost. I continued to kiss her full lips. She’s a really intense kisser, I wasn’t quite prepared for her tongue exploring the depths of my mouth and her sucking and biting my lips with incredible ferocity. I was gasping for breath, one hand gripping her jet black hair and another squeezing a full breast with a dark nipple. “Ok” after 5 minutes was about the only word I could manage to her condom comment. She reached over and produced a condom from under the pillow. I slid my pants off and prayed that my erection would return as my boxers pressed against her panties. She could tell something had happened to my boner of course, and asked “what do you like?”

Come to find out later, this was only Anne’s second time (I didn’t volunteer that she was only my second woman). Luckily, she was patient. My limp dick gave some interesting moments of clarity, slowing things down, making everything more conscious. As we got completely naked, I felt more vulnerable than I’d felt in a long time. It was interesting feeling another woman’s vulva: Anne’s was totally recessed like the labia were trying to hide by sinking into her pubic area. The folds were tight like an impenetrable fortress but her huge clit towered overhead like a gargoyle on a parapet. I rubbed my semi-soft shaft over the thing and it quivered and I could feel the moisture wetting my skin. Her legs shook and she sucked my lips furiously. She grabbed some lube from under the pillow as well and coated our loins until they shimmered, exploring every inch of my cock and balls as she did. Sliding my hips up and down I rubbed the shaft between her slit and her exploring hands; it only took a few moments to become completely engorged. Slipping the condom on, I pushed the latex encased head into her entrance, and I was surprised with how readily it opened to receive me. I could feel her contract hard as I slipped completely inside. All she could say is “oh god” and all I could do is grunt between gasps of air. We began to fuck slowly at first, she was contracting so hard she would almost stop me mid-thrust. She kept moaning the false name, ‘Jason’, I’d given her, I learned that it is still a massive turn-on to have someone moan your false-name during sex. Picking up the pace till our bodies were slapping together rapidly and her head was hanging off the end of the bed. I don’t know how long that first time was, but as our hips pushed hungrily against each other until I finally came.

We spooned for a while afterward. I had thought for certain that if not during, then at least after I would be awash with guilt of what I had just done. But none came, it was just me and her laying there on her sister’s big bed in a princess-themed room, chatting calmly. We were fucking again a few minutes later after exchanging some oral, more intense than even the first time, and it didn’t take nearly as long for me to get hard this time. Showered together and I was on my way. I remember thinking as I drove back to work “that was nice, but now that I’ve done that, I don’t think I need to do it again”. Funny how that works. How imperceptible our desires and mind-body connection can be. Just as one eats a sumptuous meal and five minutes after say they’ll never eat again. I would be back at Anne’s a few days later, this time it was more intense and passionate, and there were certainly no erectile issues. Then again a few days after that. I was amazed that I was getting away with it. My wife didn’t suspect a thing. Showers, breath mints, mouth wash, carefully timing calls and excuses, and she didn’t seem even slightly suspicious.

I had grown much more attracted to Anne during this time. I had forgotten what it was like to have sex with someone who actually wanted to have sex with you (those moments had been so rare with my wife). It was amazing having sex with someone who was there with you in the moment, instead of talking about kids, how crappy her family and friends are, and what color curtains to get for the living room (no matter which way you shift the conversation). Instead of saying “great, uh huh, that’s interesting, that sucks, we’ll see”, with Anne I would be grunting and moaning and saying “oh fuck, oh god, your pussy is so tight/hot/wet, you are so damn sexy” (which normally gets me embarrassed stares or at worst suggestion that I should stop being so dirty or the baby might hear). I could slap an ass, pull some hair, go from pounding her deep and hard to kissing and grinding my hips into her. She wanted it again and again, longer, harder, slower, faster, just more of it. With Anne, I didn’t get complaints that french kissing was dirty and messy, that doggy style is uncomfortable, that her tits are too sensitive to suck on/squeeze/play with (oh and don’t call them ‘tits’), I don’t want to ride you because it is hard for me, I don’t want to blow you because it hurts my mouth, don’t kiss me after you’ve licked my pussy because I don’t like the taste, don’t get any cum near me cause it is gross. Why was it that way with my wife? We had talked about it, but it would never get better, and then the excuses, we argue too much about x/y/z, you aren’t doing enough around the house, you haven’t taken me on enough dates/gotten me flowers in a couple months. I hadn’t realized how bad it all was until I had been with Anne and realized sex didn’t have to just be some pesky nuisance that had to be gotten out of the way before you explode, but something to really enjoy with passion. I realized, I’m beyond fucking exhausted fighting to have even decent sex with my wife.

Unfortunately, after our third rendezvous, Anne’s parents and sister came back and our opportunities vanished. While I was with Anne I had stopped keeping up with CL, stopped the constant checking of my accounts. Email was still coming in, with the occasional reply from a stale ad. With Anne and I no longer able to meet, I quickly returned to my old habits, getting back to some old email threads with various women, keeping up with w4m, etc but with a renewed confidence and less desperation than ever, blowing off more and more replies than I answered. Then my wife told me she wanted to take the baby down to visit her parents…

So It Begins

So here I am, almost a year of CL ads, learning “scam bot” as a second language, endless email threads, exchanging dirty pics, getting stood up, almost becoming the victim of blackmail on two occasions. I had gotten to the point a few weeks ago where I was absolutely certain that nothing would ever happen.

It had become routine, logging into my CL account, renewing and reposting, seeing what popped up in w4m, checking my email regularly, making my replies, labeling and organizing ridiculously long email threads, taking dirty selfies, scrubbing them of GPS meta data, and getting them off my phone and into the cloud as quickly as possible, I would use my Google Voice phone number and Skype to make calls and texts and quickly turn the secret accounts on and off my phone as needed. It was all mechanical, and I honestly saw no future in any of it, never imagined it would ever culminate in anything more than what it was in itself. Part of me kept doing it because it made things more exciting. The other part of me wanted to experience having affair while I am still relatively young, and maybe, just maybe, something could happen.

It was also a road of self-discovery. I explored a side of myself I didn’t know existed, and I learned a lot along the way. I found myself more comfortable than ever with talking about sexuality with women, and became very acquainted with rejection (which would come in the form of absence of further communication or realizing that the person who I was communicating with was using me for their own personal fantasy and had no real desire to go further). I’d really appreciate it when someone would take the time to at least tell me why they were rejecting me, if they did the reason was either the fact that I was married or that they were too nervous to meet someone in person that they met online.

Out of the blue, I received a reply to one of my ads (doesn’t it always happen that way?). I had posted it a long while ago and it was due to expire in a matter of days. I had posted the ad while my wife and son were out of town a while back and I was lonely one night and none of my other ads had borne any fruit. I decided to just post one saying essentially “hey, I’m chilling at my place while my wife is gone, I’m just gonna fap and watch some porn and would like some company.” along with the long obligatory disclaimer at the end for other males to stop emailing me pics of their anuses and dicks and no I don’t want you to come over and give me a BJ/HJ. The reply was from a girl who particularly enjoyed porn, so we talked about our favorite pornstars and styles and… realized we have very little in common in what we enjoy watching, but we found enough commonality that we set a date at her parents’ place while they would be out of town during the day while I was supposed to be at work. She was a cute, remarkably articulate (I mean she could spell and had good grammar, I don’t know what it is, kids these days) chubby Asian barely into her 20’s. We’ll call her ‘Anne’. I didn’t think much of it, I’d had set dates with numerous women before and always been stood up (I mean, if I was a woman I’d probably be too afraid to meet some random dude I met on CL, you hear stories), but I felt Anne and I were somehow on the same page with all of this. Could this finally happen? I had to see. I got the feeling she wanted something more than just watching porn, so I stashed a condom just in case.

The day we’d set for our meeting came and I sent a confirmation text an hour before our set time. I was surprised to get a reply with her street address. This was really it. I’d prepared myself for this point so many times, I hardly felt nervous. Like in a dream, I left my office, walked to my car, set my GPS and drove off. I arrived and put my arms around a flesh and blood woman. I thought it would be a big deal since up to this point I hadn’t spanned the digital divide with all those women on CL. But it all felt natural, we hugged, talked, went to the room she shared with her kid sister (Justin Bieber and Frozen‘s Elsa and Anna looked down on us from the walls). We put on some porn and started dry humping, turn off the porn and start making out, shirts coming off, she says “I didn’t want to push you too far since you are married, but I bought a pack of condoms for today.” Then something unexpected happen, my dick, which had been making a massive tent in my chinos, decided to go limp. I’ve read that erectile dysfunction is often one side of the coin of the “fight or flight” response. I had never experienced this before, and I couldn’t understand what was happening, I was nervous, my heart was racing, but I definitely wanted to have sex with her. I was ready, so what the fuck, why’s my cock being a dick about it?