Stormy Weather

We’ve selected a family law practice to handle our uncontested divorce, paid the retainer, and have set an appointment to sign the agreement. Over the past few weeks, we’ve toyed with the idea of reconciliation, but it seems clear that it won’t happen. We both have conditions, I have mine, she has hers, and they are too far apart for us to agree to even begin counseling towards reconciliation. In some ways, I feel we are moving too fast, but my wife tells me, “I’m bleeding, I want this to be over so the wounds can heal.” Each conversation we have, makes us both feel that divorce is the best option.

We had a long conversation regarding custody and visitation the other night, and I feel we are on the same page. We compared notes, research, our experience, the advice we’d received from lawyers and counselors, and we still come to the same conclusion: since our son is still practically an infant, he should live with his mother (his primary attachment) for now. But, we agreed that he needs to have a close relationship with me, his father, though. So, we’ve agreed to liberal visitation throughout the week during the evenings and I spend most of each Saturday with him. I’m pleased that my wife seems to be able to set aside her personal feelings and hurt and focus on our son, we’ve both committed to working together as co-parents for him, evaluating and changing our arrangements to suite him as the need arises. I appreciate some of the good advice I received last post, it did help me gain some clarity and stop focusing on my own guilt in the situation, and rather on what would be best for our son.

When it rains, it pours. My wife had a little fender-bender the other day, and we went over budget this month with our finances. To add further complications, my old car decided to overheat on the way home, so I spent all evening under her bonnet with a couple of floodlights for company trying to get the old girl running well enough to make it to work this morning. I drained the radiator, the oil drenched sludge that flowed out seems to indicate a leaky head gasket, luckily no coolant is in the engine oil or I’d be in real trouble. Still, I was only able to do a band-aid fix for now by flushing the cooling system and refilling it, but she held stable temperature-wise on the drive in this morning.

I’d probably not be feeling too good, but as long as I have Her, I find it hard to complain. She’s become an inextricable part of my life. Even though we are miles apart, somehow we share every day together. It seems clear to me more than ever that one day we will meet, and I know that can’t be a bad thing. That very thought gives me more hope than I’ve had in a long time.

In other news, I’ve done some reflection on this journey, and tried to form it into a somewhat coherent story. It is like taking a winding path through the mountains, hills, and forests, and then as you walk across the plain you look back and can see how far you’ve come on each leg of your journey.

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14 thoughts on “Stormy Weather

    1. I’m surprised as well. It is so hard to believe that a month ago or so my wife was unaware of my infidelity, and we were actually having some good days together. We had big plans, a new car, a vacation, paying off debt, another baby in probably 6 months or so. Now it is like those things never existed. It is terrible that I’ve derailed our lives like this, but I can’t go back now, only forward.

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  1. Uhh, its such a turn on when a man knows his stuff about cars!! I’m sorry you’re having issues in that department, but it sounds like you’ll be able to figure it out. 😉 I just recently had to put a new engine in mine, which hurt the bank account, and then I was without it for 4 weeks while the body was getting fixed after the garage I took it to to get inspected (a VA thing) didn’t latch the hood and it came flying up on the interstate. That was no fun…

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    1. I used to enjoy working on cars, but that was when it was a hobby, now I need the darn thing to get to and from work and I don’t have a backup, lol. No fun when the pressure is on, but better to have the knowledge and be able to get yourself out of a jam than not! Wow, what kind of shop forgets to latch the hood?! Scary.

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  2. I’m glad you aren’t letting your guilt decide your settlement, cheating may have made you a bad husband, but it doesn’t make you a bad dad. The fact that you are willing to step aside to make sure that your son gets what is best suggests that you are the type of father he should have in his life, even if it isn’t the perfect arrangement.
    As for Her, she sounds like exactly what you need!

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    1. Thanks silver star, my wife and I weren’t good together, but I have a great amount of respect for her as a mother, and she does for me as a father. Perhaps this will be for the best, we’ll both have our space and no longer be beholden to one another as husband and wife, but we’ll be able to work together to care for our son.

      As for Her, she sounds like exactly what you need!

      Maybe there is such a thing as fate. I still can’t believe that she came into my life at just the right time, she is exactly what I need.

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        1. Lol, I hardly noticed. I’ve grown an extra thick skin lately (being called a bad husband is the least of what I’ve been called of late)! But, thanks for clarifying. I mean, what makes a good husband or wife? None of us are perfect, so it is subjective. I think it is fair to say I was a bad husband, especially considering how this all ended. And it is probably fair to say she was a bad wife. Hopefully, next time we can pick better partners for ourselves who bring out the best in us.

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