We’ve selected a family law practice to handle our uncontested divorce, paid the retainer, and have set an appointment to sign the agreement. Over the past few weeks, we’ve toyed with the idea of reconciliation, but it seems clear that it won’t happen. We both have conditions, I have mine, she has hers, and they are too far apart for us to agree to even begin counseling towards reconciliation. In some ways, I feel we are moving too fast, but my wife tells me, “I’m bleeding, I want this to be over so the wounds can heal.” Each conversation we have, makes us both feel that divorce is the best option.
We had a long conversation regarding custody and visitation the other night, and I feel we are on the same page. We compared notes, research, our experience, the advice we’d received from lawyers and counselors, and we still come to the same conclusion: since our son is still practically an infant, he should live with his mother (his primary attachment) for now. But, we agreed that he needs to have a close relationship with me, his father, though. So, we’ve agreed to liberal visitation throughout the week during the evenings and I spend most of each Saturday with him. I’m pleased that my wife seems to be able to set aside her personal feelings and hurt and focus on our son, we’ve both committed to working together as co-parents for him, evaluating and changing our arrangements to suite him as the need arises. I appreciate some of the good advice I received last post, it did help me gain some clarity and stop focusing on my own guilt in the situation, and rather on what would be best for our son.
When it rains, it pours. My wife had a little fender-bender the other day, and we went over budget this month with our finances. To add further complications, my old car decided to overheat on the way home, so I spent all evening under her bonnet with a couple of floodlights for company trying to get the old girl running well enough to make it to work this morning. I drained the radiator, the oil drenched sludge that flowed out seems to indicate a leaky head gasket, luckily no coolant is in the engine oil or I’d be in real trouble. Still, I was only able to do a band-aid fix for now by flushing the cooling system and refilling it, but she held stable temperature-wise on the drive in this morning.
I’d probably not be feeling too good, but as long as I have Her, I find it hard to complain. She’s become an inextricable part of my life. Even though we are miles apart, somehow we share every day together. It seems clear to me more than ever that one day we will meet, and I know that can’t be a bad thing. That very thought gives me more hope than I’ve had in a long time.
In other news, I’ve done some reflection on this journey, and tried to form it into a somewhat coherent story. It is like taking a winding path through the mountains, hills, and forests, and then as you walk across the plain you look back and can see how far you’ve come on each leg of your journey.