The Rise & Fall of Naive Adulterer: Part 3

Sometimes you hit a point where you either change or self destruct.

I remember being fascinated by the death drive in psychoanalysis when I was in my Psychology class. The very idea that humans have an innate drive and instinct towards death and self-destruction, like a hidden desire. Sometimes I wonder how much I exhibit this.

It was your average fateful Saturday, little did I know the events I was about to set in motion. I’d gotten up to get the baby and give my wife a chance to sleep in before she had to get up to prepare for work at her part time job. Plus, it gave me a chance to text Her away from prying eyes. We said our good mornings, she was a cutsy, girlie girl, something I just happen to find very attractive overall, frequently repeating the last characters in a word like she had suffered a stroke at the end of her sentence, I found just about every silly thing she did adorable and endearing. We shared our laughs, and our flirts, teasing, pushing and pulling, it was all natural, made me smile and brightened my day as I played with my son, and then prepared his breakfast.

My wife got up, we shared coffee, chatted. We’d been on a good streak actually. We’d been paying off debts with our tax return, gotten some new furniture and rugs, it was time to talk about getting rid of my old beater and buying a new car. The romance was gone, but we were a life team, and a good one at that, despite some dark moments of misery, malignant spats, and overall inability to stimulate a modicum of sexual fervor. But, as an adulterer, my needs were being met on the side. Though, She had made me think about what was out there, what I was missing, but I doubted I’d ever leave this marriage situation much as I dreamed about it, there were far to many obstacles at that moment.

I talked with my wife, as she prepared for work. I can’t recall what about now. I paused part way through our conversation to check on a message from Her. I can’t recall what about now, I think we’d been talking about tickle spots on the body, just a little casual flirting.
“Who are you messaging?” My wife asked.
“Just texting Saul,” I replied.
“No, you’re not. That’s a different chat app, and why are there heart emojis, is that another woman?!” my wife looked concerned.
I suddenly realized she’d caught a glimpse of it as I passed the mirror, how could I be so careless.
“Ummm…. no, it’s just Saul” I stammered.
“Then show me.”
She had me, I hadn’t texted Saul in days, there was nothing for me to show her. I couldn’t show her this chat log, or any chat log that would come close to satisfying her suspicion.
“Jason, just show me, whatever it is, I want to know,” she started to cry, tears streaming down her face.
I couldn’t, I couldn’t show her. Not all those things I’d said to Her, not the love, not the desire, not all the secrets, they would hurt my wife beyond belief. I had always said to myself that if I was found out I wouldn’t share the truth, there would be no point, it would just hurt her. But, I needed something, some excuse, some half-truth. What was the closest thing?
“I can’t show you,” I said.
“Why? Why can’t you show me. It’s another woman, isn’t it? Who is it? Please, just show me,” my wife continued pleading.
“She’s a friend, I can’t tell you more,” I said.
“Why are you doing this? It is another woman, Jason please, I need to see!” She was crying, holding out her hand for the phone.
I paused, breathing deeply. I had to give her at least some of the truth now, and figure out how much to reveal later.
“I have a blog,” I began, “That’s how I met her, she read my blog.”
“A blog? About what?”
“I write, stories, memories, thoughts. About a lot of things.”
“I need to see it, and I need to see those messages.”
“I can’t show you either.”

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15 thoughts on “The Rise & Fall of Naive Adulterer: Part 3

  1. This one gave me flashbacks to when my ex demanded to see my messages between me and my (current) Fella. Though at the time, Fella and I only exchanged friendly banter, my ex saw it as flirting which to him equaled cheating. He ended up steeling my phone and leaving with it, only to return with it, throw it at me, gather some of his stuff and leave. I wish I could help you through your situation as I’ve been through it myself (kind of), but your on your own, my friend. Its a horrible situation to be in though, I empathize with that.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This ship may have already sailed…

    But in the event that it hasn’t… are there any bigger events in the near future ? Say a birthday (especially hers), anniversary or anything else?

    You could say that it’s a surprise and she will find out soon enough but you can’t ruin it now.

    That would give you enough time to actually prep the surprise and even create all the other elements to make a believable story.

    Ps: been a lurker a long time. I really enjoy reading your stories and I hope this turns out good in the end !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That would have been good advice, a bit late now. I’d used that one a couple times before, and it sorta worked. But she was definitely suspicious. Thanks for the comment and for reading!

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  3. Whoa whoa whoa! When was this? Recently? Is your world crashing down on you? I feel like I’m getting half the story. Worried about you. Man, reflection in the mirror. First TT and now NA. I feel like I might be next…

    You know I had something similar happen before the affair was really going. Meredith and I switched apps. My wife saw I was using a different colored app. Then when she was with Meredith one day she saw Meredith on her phone a few times with the same colored messaging app and asked me if she had been texting me the whole time. Thankfully it was early enough that it led to nothing but a bit of a shock to me.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Wow, it sounds like you are in a really tight spot. You’ve always come across as having no malice towards your wife, not wanting her hurt or upset… but right now she’s hurting. She essentially already knows. Not the details, but she knows there is someone else and her imagination might actually be worse than reality.
    Good luck, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, no bueno. I really don’t want to hurt my wife, I don’t think any of this is her fault, she certainly doesn’t deserve it. I’m trying to minimize her pain as much as possible, but sometimes I’m not sure how to do that. Thanks, we’ll just have to see.

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  5. The best thing to do at this point is tell her everything, even if it will hurt her. She needs the WHOLE truth. That is the only way she can then make her decision of moving foward and healing. Trickle truth is more damaging in the long run. She will have alot of questions in the near future and you need to be 100% honest or she will see through the lies. Trust me when I say that she will keep asking until she feels you’ve told her everything. Good luck to you.

    Liked by 1 person

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