Been a while, but I better keep writing or all could be lost. I’ll admit, I’ve been a little discouraged of late. Criticism of my behavior and reasoning (justifiable as it may be) here and at other venues can be wearying, because I feel I have to take criticism seriously and honestly. Continually questioning foundational principles and reasons for the life you are leading takes a lot out of you, and at the end of the day, you either have to do something, move forward or just give up. At the end of the day, I’m still a cheater, but I’m trying to keep my mind open despite the uncomfortable cognitive dissonance it sometimes causes (I got used to this from years of trying to be an open minded Christian). Sometimes I think the criticism only makes me feel worse about myself, but I have to believe that I can still change course if I truly ever want to and come to a sense that it would be the right move for me and my loved ones.
No detailed narratives for today. Just the facts as I ease back into writing here. Hopefully, I’ll find my muse again soon.
So, a lot has happened since we last spoke, dear reader. I was ghosted by all my Tinder (including Layla who I was certain was interested, but maybe she’ll be back) and OKC matches and most of those responses I had on CL. I got stalked on CL by a 60 year old lady begging for my dick. Nothing against 60 year olds, but this one was definitely not my cup of tea. Elle is back to texting me regularly, but I still don’t think we will get anywhere, it should probably go without saying, her texting me then ghosting me is like the tide rolling in and out.
But, on another note, I did see Lisa. We had a rendezvous on Sunday afternoon (I broke away from youth group for a while), and then again on Monday morning. It was good, but I was all over the place with my sexual performance again, but we had more time to make up for it and ended up having several very good screws. She’s a nice girl, we sat and had tequila again at her hotel room, fucked, had more tequila, fucked again, talked, rinsed, repeated. Our social interaction is really good, but I think we are super sexually incompatible. I can’t put my finger on it, but we never seem to be thinking the same thing in bed, it also doesn’t help that I’m not that attracted to her physically. Granted, I don’t have much experience, but my sexual compatibility with Anne and Sierra was nigh perfect. We always seemed to be on the same page. Or perhaps Sierra has ruined me, cursed me, and getting back there will be an uphill battle. Perhaps I’m just being too superstitious. In any case, Lisa wants to see me again in a few weeks to maybe a month, whenever she can get back out between work and school. Turns out that she and her fiance have broken up, so perhaps I’m a fall back in the interim.
Another promising lead from CL a couple days ago. We’ll call this new girl ‘Nancy’. She’s an early twenties, white, brunette, self-described BBW (big beautiful woman). I tend towards thinner women, but something about this girl was instantly attractive to me. The confidence she has, the way she likes to talk dirty, and she is a good looking girl too, definitely more than a little extra weight, but not quite on par with my wife but she is a little more top heavy. She does have grammar and spelling problems like Sierra did, and a cutsie, whimsical way of texting, so maybe that makes up part of my attraction. Nancy is married as well, claims she needs a little more than the once a week 5-minute screw her husband has been giving her. In any case, we were supposed to meet on Thursday, but I had to stay in to help care for a sick baby, then again today, but Nancy had to stay late at work, but we are shooting to meet up Monday morning at this point.
Into the weekend we go, and I’m not sure I’ll have time to post anything. But, I’ll shoot to post a couple to three times next week.