Got a weird message yesterday. It rocked me so bad I didn’t want to talk about it, and decided to write about something else. I haven’t heard from Sierra in a good while and didn’t expect to ever again. Out of the blue she texts me unprompted:
I will not play god, I am walking away from your chaos for good. Do not contact me, do not confirm you received this, otherwise I will contact the police. Have a nice life 🐘
Is she crazier than I thought? In any case, I have no intention of replying. Bizarre though, I’m not sure what she means by playing god (guess a nice way of saying that she isn’t going to get me in trouble if I leave her alone) or walking away from my chaos (that is the pot calling the kettle black if I ever heard it)? And why bring the police into it? I haven’t even tried to contact her, so it isn’t like I’m harassing her, besides, she’s the one who committed a crime. And what the hell is it with her and elephants? Perhaps I caused some sort of internal struggle within her? I’m probably over analyzing, she probably just wanted to make it 100% clear that there was no future no matter what (maybe she plans to return to town at some point, I suspect she may still really be in school and not graduated as she claims). I didn’t think we had any future, but I now know for certain we are on the same page.
The whole thing really shook me up. I’m as over Sierra as I’m ever going to be I believe. But, she still has the power to rip open the old wound whenever she wishes, and I don’t know how to stop her. When someone you cared about makes it clear they never want anything to do with you ever again, I think it will hurt inevitably. I do miss Sierra considerably, even long for her, but I’ve accepted that I’d never see her again. This message is just insult to injury as far as I’m concerned. The fact that she threatens to call the police really gives me pause, it makes me wonder about our relationship from her perspective. Is she afraid of me for some reason? I can’t imagine what I would have done that made her feel threatened or uncomfortable. Maybe I am just as bad a guy as they say (I get told daily on hook-up sites). Makes me wonder what is wrong with me. As you can see, I had a little freak out yesterday, I’m glad it seems to be over though. I’ve recentered, even though Sierra’s words managed to cut deeply. I’m just far too sensitive I realize.
In other news, I got a slim twenty year old student with big eyebrows and a mid twenties BBW to both unmatch me on Tinder, so there’s that. I chatted with both of them most of the afternoon, but it just wasn’t in the cards I’m afraid. Shame, they were both very pretty. I had another promising contact on CL, pretty sure she is a pic collector though. She kept saying she wanted to meet, it wouldn’t work out, and she’d ask for more pics to turn her on. After two rounds of that I gave it up. She was a quite a looker too (if the pics she sent were really her, they seemed legit). Predictably, Elle ghosted me. Last night I made ‘Mommy’ (the tranny who has been begging me to come over and pound her ass) cry. I felt bad, but I had to tell her straight up that I wasn’t interested and he/she should find someone else that would better appreciate the little extra she has to offer. So, not surprisingly, I’ve struck out this inning. Still, I’m surprised at the good quality of responses I’ve been getting (even if they don’t end up working out), this does bode well.