There always seems to be more things to write about than time allows lately. I ran into an old friend last week on CL, the first married woman I tried to have an affair with. It was probably 8-9 months back when she answered one of my ads. We’ll call her ‘Karma’. She classified herself as a BBW, but my wife definitely had a good bit on her in the weight department. She was late twenties, fair skinned, curly red hair, very large breasts; seemed ok, but really she just wasn’t that attractive to me. Not sure why exactly, but I did pursue her since she was my only promising female prospect, well, ever at the time. She showed interest in me, we talked, exchanged pics, she was smart and funny and seemed to enjoy my sense of humor. She also was in a sexless marriage. Seemed about perfect, except for my lack of attraction to her, and that neither of us could host, so we planned to get a hotel room. The day came for us to meet and she didn’t respond, she ghosted me.
I didn’t hear from her again until a few days ago. This time, I answered her ad on CL, I recognized the name she came back with, and the writing seemed familiar. Somehow she didn’t recognize my name. It was confirmed when we exchanged pics. We both remembered, it was like old friends reunited. Since we’d last talked she’d had one affair, and I’d had two. We talked a little about our affairs, I tried to be honest that I wasn’t happy with how things ended with Sierra, especially with the blackmail situation. Karma had resolved to stop cheating, but after over a month of sexlessness she’d found herself back on CL looking. We didn’t really talk about why she’d ghosted me, I assumed it was nerves. She seemed excited to meet me this time. The thing was, I still wasn’t really attracted to her then or now. It had be desperation before that made me want to meet her, and I looked at my situation and thought “well, not like I have any other prospects,” so I agreed to meet her the next day and get a hotel room.
But, I thought about it that evening. This wasn’t fair to her, she could be with someone who is actually attracted to her, I’m sure she’d have no trouble finding that someone. And, I had decided that I wasn’t settling anymore either. Sierra had been incredibly hot, and Anne was pretty attractive as well. Perhaps I should just take what I can get, but I had to draw the line somewhere. I decided to let this one go. I hadn’t really been in this situation before with a girl. Sure, I’d had to let plenty of guys down easy (damn CL, that is still 80-90% of my ad replies), but never a woman. Much as I wanted to be honest (that is how I like to be treated), I didn’t want to make her feel bad about herself. So, I employed guile, and still feel bad about it. I told her that I couldn’t meet because I was still feeling hurt about Sierra and wasn’t sure where I’d be going from there (both true), and left out the main factor that I just wasn’t attracted to her. I wished her well, and said that if she ever wanted to talk she could hang onto my number. She wished me well back, no hard feelings, and I could contact her to talk anytime as well. I figure all’s well that ends well in this case. I saw her ad go back up on w4m, and it disappeared about 24 hours later, so seems Karma found her partner for this dance, and I’m happy for her.
But, the old friends haven’t stopped there. Last night Elle contacted me. If you remember, she was an 18 year old that first contacted me right about a year ago. We’d chatted over the course of almost the entire year, off and on, but I hadn’t heard from her in several months and figured I probably wouldn’t again. She has my personal email and Skype account, and I have hers. She wasn’t trying to contact me though, not that she knew at least, she replied to one of my ads on CL. I was pretty sure it was her as soon as I read the message. Same stats, under five foot, very light and thin, mixed race, soon to be 19 (I know Elle’s birthday is in January). Though, this time she said she was new in town and going to be attending school. She gave no indication that she knew the ad was mine. Even when I replied back with a pic and my name, she still didn’t seem to put two and two together, or she was just pretending to not know who I am. In any case, with nothing better to do I figured I’d play along. Each message she sent solidified that it was her, exact same phrases, words, sentence structure as I’d seen in her familiar weekly messages over the past year. The pic she sent didn’t seem legit, I traced it to an amateur porn site, but that wasn’t all that surprising since Elle had sent many of these types of images before. I had finally asked her to stop since I knew they weren’t pictures of her, but I’d ignore it this time and not let on. To date, I’m pretty sure I only have one legitimate picture of her (or at least only one that can’t be found anywhere on the internet). I didn’t let on that I knew her, and she didn’t indicate at all that she knew me. But, she must have recognized me by now, I even sent her a face pic once I knew it was her. The only reason I could think of for this behavior is that she wants a fresh start with me, but to what end? She even gave a different name than she’d given me before, but I’ll just leave her as ‘Elle’ for the sake of simplicity. I’m not sure why I’m still playing along honestly. But, I also don’t really understand why I went back and forth with this girl for the better part of a year either. She sent me what appears to be a fake pic, so that doesn’t bode well for actually meeting, but she talks pretty seriously about making plans. At this point, we’ve agreed to meet at her place on Tuesday (she says she has a place of her own). I’m pretty sure Tuesday will come and it will be just like all of our other scheduled meetings over the past year, she’ll stop responding. Perhaps it will be like before, she’ll get back to me a week later and say she was feeling anxious.
Last I talked with her, she had said she was still a virgin, but we didn’t broach the subject this time. I can’t really believe anything she says anyways. To me, I think Elle is just some old fantasy, a pipe dream that is nice to indulge every once in a while. I’m not sure how much I really want to be with a 19 year old, but then there is always my old standby (and it gets me in plenty of mischief), “try anything once.” Still, I can’t help but feel like this would be some weird medieval marriage, where I’m this 50 year old dude with a 16 year old wife. I still find it weird when my Grandma talks about marrying my Grandfather: she was 16 years old at the time, he was in his mid-twenties. Reminds me of one of my favorite movies, Gigi, the girl who the film is named after is supposed to be a mistress to a guy named Gaston, she is supposed to be about 16 I think and he is much older, I still find it super awkward to watch, I just want to yell at the screen, “Gaston, what are you thinking you sick bastard, she’s just schoolgirl!” But here I am, I’m hardly better with my fantasy. In any case, I have very little faith that anything will come of it. Though, I do find it interesting she’s answered my ad and appears to be acting like she doesn’t know me, and I can’t imagine what she gets out of going through all the trouble to make plans to meet a guy and then going silent. Maybe just a desire for dick pics. She did ask for a couple of those eventually, and I delivered just because it is Elle and I’m still not immune to her exaggeration and flattery (and I’m pretty sure feigned surprise in this case) and this just feels like old times. She delivered as expected:
i did not see that one coming ;)
you do have a large tool hehe
so your mean wife is wasting all that ?
Elle will still be the first one I played the fool for, so I figured what’s once more for old time’s sake? I wonder how much longer we’ll keep playing this game. Part of me still likes to fantasize that one day we’ll actually meet. I’ll be really disappointed if she turns out to be some 40 year old balding man living in his parents basement, but I also wouldn’t be altogether surprised. He’s probably built a shrine to me and my cock, that thought is scary and flattering all at the same time.
Meeting my two oldest female contacts on CL (both who didn’t attempt to contact me directly) has been interesting. Almost like a cycle of rebirth. Doubtful that anything will come of it, but makes me wonder all the same. It reminds me how all this started, that nearly 11 months into my search for an affair partner, I’d only met two women, one legitimate but went silent on me, and another just a perpetual game player. But somehow, within 6 months after that I’d chatted with dozens of women, two of which I ended up having affairs with. The future is wide open as I see it.