Do not cite the Deep Magic to me, Witch. I was there when it was written.
I had a 2 am wake up. My sleep is restless when my wife is gone, it is because I know opportunity is there, and anticipation. I figured I’d do an early morning text to Sierra for once. I just asked “Hey, you up?” I didn’t expect an answer and just went right back to sleep. I slept heavily, but I kept waking, but my messages tones couldn’t rouse me. Sierra texted back “No” at 4 am. I’m sure if she really wanted a rendezvous, she would have called me or texted a few more times to wake me, like before.
But, off to work. No matches on Tinder, no messages from CL. I had asked Cassandra if she was still interested, she’d seemingly ghosted me a few days ago. She replied back that she had indeed changed her mind. But it was nice to get a response at least.
I got to work and flipped through Tinder some more, unfortunately I ran out of ‘likes’. I considered shelling out the $20 for a month of Tinder Plus, but hell, this doesn’t seem to be working all that well so far and seemed to be more effort than CL (though you do get to see some interesting pics), I can’t see throwing money at it helping much. I’ll try again in 12 hours when I get my ‘like’ pool refilled. Funny thing though, I went with my team to lunch, I recognized the waitress from Tinder. No question, it was her, I had swiped left to put a ‘nope’ on her (it is easy to get carried away with the nopes, have to remind myself to slow down sometimes), in hindsight that was rash, she was really a beautiful girl, early twenties if I’m not mistaken, but she does wear entirely too much makeup. She also didn’t really know how to take a picture I think, she was way prettier in real life. I did my best not to salivate at her amazing ass and thin figure. Once again, another thing that reminds me of Sierra, who wears just the right amount of make-up when she does wear it, but she also looks amazing without it. And that girl definitely knows how to take a picture. Sadly, I’m getting the sinking feeling that Sierra isn’t going to come through (but when did I say that before, that’s right, when my wife was out of town last time). She started the weekend very communicative, but then it tapered off for some strange reason, now we are back to just an occasional text 2-6 hours late. But, my options are pretty limited at this point. As you know, it took close to a year of CL stuff to get my first hook-up. Guess I could try Ashley Madison, but, money, and my window of opportunity is closing fast with the wife returning soon. I don’t think this blog can survive the embarrassment if I utterly fail to pull through with anything over the next few days.
I was surprised at how many people I vaguely recognized on Tinder. Nobody I knew per se, but waitresses, retail and grocery workers mostly, they frequently rang a bell. Of course, they wouldn’t be able to recognize me, my pics are nondescript.
On the TV at the restaurant, The Talk was on, the sound was off but the subtitles were on. I’m guessing this show is like The View, just a bunch of gals sitting around and talking about two or three month old new stories, I recognized some of what they were talking about from articles I’d read months back. They were talking about sex-toy robots, how they will eventually be so human like as to be indistinguishable from the real deal, responding to touch, communications, emotions, whispering sweet nothings during sex, etc. The question on the table, of course, was ‘is having sex with a human like robot considered cheating for people in committed relationships?’ I decided to focus back on the table conversation, not really caring terribly what these gals had to say on the subject anyways. But, it made me think back to Saul’s and my technological singularity discussion, which also talked about robotics, strong AI, the nature of consciousness, human value and morality. It reminded me of Westworld. I love science fiction, good science fiction works are elaborate thought experiments, which make you question the nature of your reality: who we are as human beings, our purpose, our beliefs, our morals. It really does make you think, at what point does fucking a glorified motorized dildo or fleshlight become cheating? When it can move on its own and find its human partner? When it looks like a human? Feels like a human? When it can respond to our emotions? When it can display emotions, thoughts, and desires of its own? If never, then why would cheating be morally wrong for human beings to participate in this activity with other human beings? I used to think the question only came down to two alternatives: is morality ultimately a construct we’ve created, or did God do it, writing the laws of morality when he wrote the laws of physics? More importantly did God reveal them to mankind, or is it up to us to discover them as one discovers physical laws?
Perhaps I keep descending to this philosophical discussions just so I don’t have to confront the difficulty of resolving the contradictions I exist with. I used to think myself a pragmatist, to adopt beliefs and morals that were practical and efficacious for ‘good life’. I no longer know what is practical, or efficacious, or what a ‘good life’ is. I guess we all have to accept certain assumptions just to keep on breathing, number one being that I should do things that seem to make me feel good and avoid things that make me feel bad. I’m not sure what else there is right now beyond that. The Christian perspective is that this is vain and selfish, not deep, and altruistic, and noble like God. And yet, they appeal to it and live by it as much as the sinners do. We obey God because we want to go to heaven, deferring feeling good now, so we can feel good then, and further more, we do it because we don’t want hell where we’ll feel bad. But does any of this add meaning, or does it just defer it. Like somewhere down the line, we’ll really understand God’s purpose, his grand noble design for it all, just wait till you’re dead, then you’ll know. And then we’ll believe that that is all there is, and our spirits and thirst for knowledge satiated, we’ll sit down and just feel nice for all eternity, right? Unless of course, you didn’t trust God from the beginning, then you’ll know, but you don’t get to feel nice then. Maybe we are all just beasts, and beasts enjoy their good stimuli so they work towards it, and don’t like bad stimuli so they avoid it. That seems to fit the evidence well, but we don’t like it, so we dress it up in nice philosophical clothes or we go to God for meaning. Never thinking, maybe God is still searching for it too.