I Found a Reason

I find myself slipping back. Perhaps, I should hold off for a bit till I figure things out with the wife? I thought I’d at least wait till after the holidays before I put myself out there again, but I’m having trouble resisting. It is compulsive, perhaps I am addicted. I checked CL’s w4m today. I replied to an ad, surprisingly got a response back. Pretty gal, about my age, we’ll call her ‘Mandy’ (should I name these gals? I guess, seems like counting my chickens before the hatch). We’ve been sexting some sexy pics back and forth a bit, she says she’ll be available towards the end of next week to meet. I’m not holding my breath, but it is something. I also posted an ad of my own, first one in a good while. Figured it was time to make a fresh start, just put up an honest ad about me, what I’m looking for. Once again, maybe fate is smiling on me, I got a reply already. Girl in her mid-twenties, returning home to live with her parents and going back to the local community college (not sure what it is with college students lately). We’ll call her ‘Myrtle’, I feel like M names today for some reason. We haven’t exchanged pics yet, but we spent most of the morning emailing back and forth, seems we have a lot in common. Pretty exciting prospect, we’ll see. Two for two real responses on CL ain’t bad, either I’m getting lucky or I’ve gotten better at this. If I get really serious, I should probably try Tinder, but I’m just doing minimum effort for now, not ready to dive right back in yet, just testing the waters.

I’m still holding out some hope for Sierra. She hasn’t totally cut off communication, she may just be busy, that has been the case before. I just can’t escape the dread of the situation. I let her too far in, I got too attached, more than anything I can’t escape the regret of how it all went, but I think I know now that I’m just no good in public/uncomfortable locations. I need comfort and privacy. I just wished I’d known that beforehand so Sierra wasn’t my guinea pig, then, who knows, things might have been different.

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