Anticipation can be a terrible thing. Or perhaps ‘dread’ is. Perhaps this was dread, the expectation (but not certainty) of some negative event (rejection really isn’t all that bad, it is the not knowing I guess that bothers me the most). The diversion with Anne was wonderful, but I would like some closure with Sierra. Maybe she is just toying with me now, as a cat toys with its prey, before finally ripping its jugular out. I wish she’d get it over with, sever my artery and let me bleed out, I’ve been down this road before, I know I’ll rise again. It isn’t supposed to be this way, this was a no-strings-attached relationship, I don’t know how I became this invested. Except I do know; I was inexperienced, she was beautiful, and I fell for her, not hard to figure out, I need to stop adding unneeded complexity.

She only responds indirectly to the odd text I’ll send her, usually half a day later. Enough to keep me guessing. I suppose I could force her hand, get her on the phone and ask her point blank. But no, not yet, the time doesn’t seem right. I know I’m just being impatient. But, it’ll be nice to get this weight off. Give it a little more time. On a good note, if I mope a little bit longer I think I might finally get half as good as Beck at slide guitar; depression does wonders for one’s skill at playin’ the blues.


28 thoughts on “Perdedor

  1. Honestly- do you really need closure? Her indifferent communication is a form of ghosting and it isn’t healthy for you. Nor is the drama, the frustration, or the recklessness she brings.
    Young, lying, promiscuous girls are always going to be looking to fill a void (I imagine your attraction to her is in your mutual desperation to fill a void).
    My 2 cents: delete everything associated with her and as you do send good vibes her way ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    1. To be fair, the drama, and frustration are all self inflicted (though we share responsibility for the recklessness). I don’t know, I just prefer to be straight up rejected rather than ghosted. I just like the girl, so a simple good bye and nice knowing ya would seem at least the bare minimum of human kindness, then again, I don’t know how this stuff works. But, thanks for the advice nonetheless!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I fall hard too. As much as you’d think that online is a no contact sport. I get very vested. It’s called being mature… sorry but I think it’s what you’ll find with younger women. I go for older guys for vested relations, for fun quips the younger are fun. However, I can always make a exception 😉

    Liked by 1 person

          1. I think there is a big sign flashing over your blog and I like a moth was drawn. It is how it goes with me- always the ones that pull at the heartstrings. Gawd I’d give you a hug, but hugs seem a bit more intimate 😉 xo

            Liked by 1 person

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