Try Not

Things are no better today. I need to be proactive though.

I’ve already been trying everything to rescue my penile health since I started having issues. I’m exercising again, taking walks, putting in 100 reps of kegels whenever I find the time. I’m taking 4,000 mg of panax/red ginseng which studies show seems to help with ED (golly, I’m one of those guys now, fuckin’ herb and supplement nuts, but I’m trying to be evidence based). I’m trying to cut back a bit on caffeine (even though I’ve read it helps) and pain pills. I haven’t touched porn since I was with Anne the first time, nor masturbated (no urge or interest). Sometimes I wonder if that is the problem? Everyone says porn and masturbation causes desensitization and worsens ED, so how could it help? I still have very strong morning wood every morning (well, it was gone for a week after my 36 hour escapade, but it came back with a vengeance). Probably, I’m just no good having car sex or sex on conference room tables. I’m thinking I just need a comfortable place. I think I can spring for a hotel room for the next time I meet Sierra, and we’ll see.

It is all I can think about it seems. I can’t stop thinking about Sierra giving up on my sorry ass and going and fucking other guys. I couldn’t blame her one bit if she did, but obviously it wouldn’t make me happy, I wanted to be with her up until she graduates and leaves town. I’ve thought about texting her, but I don’t even know what to say at this point. I can’t think of anything, I’m so wrapped up in this ED nonsense. I guess I could joke about that, but perhaps that’d just make it worse. She’s not likely to text me unprompted, she always gets back to me when I text her, but she very rarely texts me anything out of the blue. I don’t know what that means either, if anything. It may just mean she values me for sex (fat lot of good I am in that area lately), or for some occasional fun. Is she really far more slutty than she makes herself out to be? She claims she’s had three different partners in her life (I can see you rolling your eyes, Troubled). Maybe, who knows?

Mostly, I’m just filled with regret at these missed opportunities. I have access to nearly unlimited sex with a really hot girl who wants me. Every time I’ve texted Sierra and wanted to meet for a hook-up she has been willing to meet me. But, I’ve only performed 1 out of 4 times now since our 7 hours of marathon fucking. Is it poetic justice? Comedic irony? What the fuck, this is real life and an opportunity like this comes up once a lifetime (at least for me so far), and I can’t take advantage. I can’t believe how insecure this has made me, I just need time to breath and get that confidence back.

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7 thoughts on “Try Not

  1. Perhaps it’s a mind game. Sometimes I think guys get stuck in their head. I’ve encountered a guy with the same issue. Personally I didn’t think the less of him. He was into it but was suffering with a migraine. Physical things do effect erections.
    And last of all, DAMN! Come give me a follow, just starting out, but I might have just what you need… -Fallen

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  2. Have you run a hormone panel recently? No urge to masturbate even though you’re not having sex, could be low T? I think that can cause erection issues as well.

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    1. I didn’t say I wasn’t horny, I’m definitely horny, and I get random erections. I just don’t have much urge to masturbate (mental decision, not a physical lack). I’ve never really been one of those guys that jerks off two or three times a day. This may be weird, but I always figured if I didn’t have time to do something right, I may as well not do it at all. I didn’t enjoy a mediocre, quick and compulsive jerk off (just felt like a waste). If I was going to masturbate then I wanted to take the time to make sure it was fun and awesome. That is harder to find time for these days, with a job and family, hence the lack of urge to masturbate. Plus, I keep holding out hope for real sex which I greatly prefer. So, I’m horny, to the point of my balls aching and getting an erection at random thoughts. I’ll have to either have sex or masturbate soon, I just have some self-imposed discipline about it (for better or worse). I’ve never had a hormone panel run, but might be worth the time, but honestly, don’t think there is an issue there. I haven’t gone more than a week without ejaculation in a pretty long time, this has been a bit of a dry spell unfortunately…

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