Disclaimer: Since I feel that this post has been somewhat misunderstood (perhaps not unfairly), I wanted to just say that this was an emotional post made in a very exhausted state. It makes use of exaggeration, hyperbole, and metaphor to give the reader insight to my momentary feelings, emotions, and mental state. I don’t believe my marriage is hell and that my wife is the devil (in many ways, they have many positives, but that is for another post). This is not intended to be an accurate depiction of my daily life, but of a moment in time and what I felt. This blog is a way for me to pour forth my selfish personal thoughts and feelings, sometimes I may just be venting (as in this case). It isn’t meant to be fair, it isn’t meant to provide an objective report of the situation, it certainly isn’t to prove that I’m right and justified and deep down I’m such a good person making great decisions (actually, quite the opposite). My wife and I both have serious flaws and faults, believe me when I say I’m not trying to portray my wife as some evil aggressor (she’s not) and me some harmless saint caught up in a bad situation. Thanks for all the comments and advice (I’ve approved a couple and responded below) and I appreciate all those who came out in support of my wife who is sadly married to a villain (me), she deserves your empathy, I’m sorry for my unfair treatment of her here. I care deeply for my wife, her well-being and her happiness (stop rolling your eyes, I really do, I realize I’m not very good at showing it). Hopefully that adds a little bit of clarity to the rant below.
What we seek is some kind of compensation for what we put up with.
I could barely stay awake at my desk all day yesterday, today isn’t much better. But it was worth it, the last 36 hours had been heaven, almost 9 hours of sex, with 6 hours of sleep. But now the reckoning has come.
My wife returned in a fury, a shadow wreathed in flame as hell-fire and brimstone rained down. She was furious at the state of the house, in spite of it being cleaner than when she left. Mostly she was disappointed that I’d failed to take initiative on a number of projects she had expected me to work on (be nice if she would tell me these things). I know a big part of it was she had a terrible week with her parents while I was living it up, and now was the time to pay back the difference. My mind has rebelled against the return to the status quo, it is excruciating mental anguish. I get it, I had my bachelor week, it was a week off baby-duties, a week off honey-do’s, and worse yet that during that time I was just going to work, hanging out with friends I haven’t seen in months upon months, and seeking affairs (hell hath no fury if she discovers that). She has been incredibly passive aggressive, sticking in and twisting every knife she can find. The baby has been tired and fussy, but it is good to see him at least. Me being completely exhausted doesn’t help. But, all I can do is agree to pulling double-duty for a while as my penance for my sins (the ones she knows, and the ones she is ignorant of). Escaping to work this morning was very welcome.
The contrast of all this (compared to the previous days) eats away at me. Sitting at the pinnacle of the clouds of heaven only to descend to the blackest pit of hell. But, now I carry these vivid memories of my moments in the sun, secretly, in some once forgotten corner of my mind, and pull them out to reflect on when no one is looking lest they should see my smile and the spark of life come into my eyes.